Date #6: Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems

Date #6: Lakers Game + Yard House

OH GOD. Where do I even start with date 6. My only clues from Vig on this one were that he’s rich and a soccer player. We didn’t talk at alllll before the date, he texted me last minute on a Friday and asked if I had plans for the night and if I wanted to go to the Lakers game with him. I didn’t have anything else to do so I figured I’d give it a shot. Plus they were playing the Raptors and I know Drake likes that team so I was hoping he’d be there.

I haven’t been using names but when it comes to date 6 I just DGAF bc it’s JRAKE. No, that’s not a typo for Jake, that is DRAKE WITH A J. Half of me was just confused and half of me was excited that this would become my own personal Drake. first thing I noticed was his accent. He was a little hard to understand, it sounded like a Jamaican or something like that…I still don’t think I can put my finger on it. Right away he started flashing his money and throwing cash around. Literally. When he emptied his pockets for security he threw a handful of $100 bills on the conveyer belt to go through the metal detector. He was tall and black and an athlete and our seats were pretty close…on paper it was all a perfect match.

I don’t even know where to start on the reality of it. We were making normal conversation (kind of, he was def dropping some hints that he was a little bit of a fuck boy) and then all of a sudden he said:

Jrake: so do you get starstruck?
Me: (oh god I fucking hate when people name drop) no not really haha why
Jrake: one time like two years ago I saw Trey Songz in an elevator at a hotel and my buddy was all star struck but I played it cool. I told him “yooo man, your music gets me laid all the time, I love fucking to that shit”
Me: (silence waiting for the rest of the story)
Jrake: haha yeah it was funny

I think that was the moment when I texted Vig, who was across the stadium, and told her “shit I think he has a lot of money but idk if I can do it, he’s a fucking douchebag”. She convinced me to stay for her own entertainment as always. We met Vig at Yardhouse after the game for a couple drinks. It was normal-ish, he was still throwing cash and buying all my drinks and buying tequila for the whole bar so I wasn’t complaining. The guy next to him started talking to him and Jrake leaned over to me and told me in confidence “he’s a fan…this happens a lot, I’m in the FIFA video game so people recognize me”.

I could tell that Jrake was into me from the way he was acting…normal things for a first date like telling his fans that I was his girlfriend, inviting me on weekend getaways, reassuring me that I’m his baby, stuff like that. When he went to the bathroom he left his wallet with me and said “here hold this, you’re my baby girl now so what’s mine is yours”.

Somehow between the tequila and the glimmer of hope that I could have a new sugar daddy I decided to stay at the bar with him after my friends had left. WHAT WAS I THINKING. Actually I know exactly what I was thinking….”wow this guy just said that his mom gets mad at him for spoiling his girlfriends too much too soon, maybe I can get a fucking car out of this. or at least some jewelry. You can do it Alex”.

He had plans to go out with his friends after our date so I figured I had an easy out anyways. After another drink, we were on our way, he was going to take me home on the way to meet up with his friends. We went to a parking lot and instead of getting his own car, he took the car of the guy who was working at the parking lot. still a little confused about the details of that, he said something about how his dad owned the lot and he didn’t want to take his nice car since he’d been drinking. In the car he offered to ditch the club and hang out with me because “he doesn’t want to put me in the situation of having to watch other girls hit on him all night”. UMM okay I wasn’t even coming in the first place, but hey thanks for thinking of me. I assured him that I was tired and 100000% okay with us parting ways. He asked to come up and use my bathroom when he dropped me off. I said yes like an idiot. And then he just DIDN’T LEAVE.

This part is actually super uncomfortable for me to write about because it makes me feel gross to even acknowledge. We didn’t have sex or anything but it was not for his lack of trying. I told him I wasn’t going to sleep with him from the beginning and he did not stop trying. Thinking about the vulgar things he whispered in my ear all night long makes me want to vomit. Looking back the amount of effort he put into it after I told him no is appalling. The obvious answer would have been to kick him out, but I felt too uncomfortable to tell him that he needed to leave, which is ridiculous, it was my fucking house.

He texted me the day after and said “hey love, hope you’re having a good day, let me know if you want to hang out tonight.” I politely declined and over the next couple days he kept it up with a string of awkward/overwhelming/weird texts. After a couple weeks of me avoiding him, he asked if he could come pick up his watch (oh yeah he left his watch that was supposedly 30k at our house – we STRONGLY considered bringing it to a pawn shop but didn’t follow through). I think he FINALLY got the hint that I wasn’t into him when I responded that I’d just messenger it to him instead of actually having to see him in person for 5 minutes.

Lesson #6 – I can’t date someone for their money, I’m just going to have to find a sugar daddy that I can actually stand to be around I guess. Oh well.

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The Gee-Spot

As if our entertaining stories and ridiculous style of writing wasn’t already the biggest blessing in your life, the Alex’s are about to give you the ultimate key to life success. Welcome to The Gee-Spot, where we will be breaking down the lessons we’ve learned from each date, providing you all the essential info you need to go from hoe to housewife! We will both be documenting what we’ve taken from each date as the matchmaker, and as the bachelorette. For easy access, we’ve created a new tab on top, check it out! You’re welcome. But, you bitches better blow up our inbox with your success stories and tell us how we made all your wildest dreams come true!

 

With the help of our bestie, Chardonnay, we’ve reflected on our experience so far and broken down the lessons we’ve both learned so far. I mean, I’m no critic, but you guys, this shit is GOLD! Go click on the new Gee Spot tab at the top of the page, and take notes! Don’t be shy, comment your thoughts, or tell us a lesson you’ve learned through your experiences. We’ll discuss them in our first Gee-Spot Vlog, which is coming soon!

Date 5: Two-Date Tommy

NEW YEAR, NEW TWIST TO THE BLOG! ❤ 

By now I’ve decided that I’ve learned something from each date. It’s only been a couple but I genuinely feel like I’m starting to learn what I do and don’t want. Sooo date 5’s theme is that it’s fun to just kiss someone.  Date 5 even has a theme song!!! Play “Begin Again” by T Swift as you read this if you want to really get in my head.

Going into tonight’s date I honestly didn’t have any expectations, I was about to leave for Mexico for my best friend’s wedding so I was running around doing a million things and didn’t have enough time to stress out over it. Plus I hadn’t talked to him much before hand. WE met for drinks at The Hudson after work on a Monday (I think). I was running late and showed up fashionably late with him waiting at the bar. He’d already ordered a drink and was almost done with it, so I already knew this guy was right up my alley. I hate when someone doesn’t order a drink while they’re waiting…like HELLO you’ve got to be bored, just order a fucking drink to kill some time till my late ass shows up.

He was cute. As in like nice guy cute. As in the kind of guy that I’d normally not be into at allllll. But for some reason we just clicked. He seemed NORMAL.  5 is the first one that I feel like I’ve had instant chemistry with. I mean I had the instant attraction to 1 but we didn’t even kiss the first night. Our bar stools were turned towards each other, we couldn’t stop laughing, and somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd round (I think, don’t quote me), he leaned in and kissed me. The kiss felt GOOD guys. It just felt natural. We kissed all night long and he walked me to my car and opened the door for me and we kissed some more. It was like something out of a movie, minus him whacking my face with the car door, but it was kinda hot. I felt like I was in high school. I forgot how fun it can be to make out with someone you like with no expectation of it going further. 

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The morning after our date, he sent me a text about how much fun he had and how he’d love to see me again after I got back from Mexico. Obviously I have commitment issues and was instantly freaked out by this. He’s got to be some weirdo if he texts THE DAY AFTER our first date, like come on play a little hard to get dude. A couple days later I was off to Mexico and met a couple fuck boys there. Clearly I wasn’t looking to marry someone I met in Mexico but just seeing how douchey they were did make me realize that “hey maybe a nice guy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world”. And all of a sudden 5 wasn’t looking too bad again. I was actually EXCITED to go on a second date with him.

Does this mean I have a crush???

 

New Hinge account, who dis?

DATE #1: 

So for those of you who don’t know, I love black dudes. I think this originated from my love for Drake. And the mixed babies we could make together. And the big bulging muscles. Plus all the Kardashians are doing it and I’d jump off a cliff if they told me to. So, like any good best friend, Vig set up my first date with a hot black guy who played football in college (thanks again, girl).  Clearly we’re doing this whole experiment for a reason, and part of it is that I absolutely fucking hate first dates. They give me anxiety, I think of about every single thing that could go wrong.

Realistically I know the world isn’t going to end because of one bad date, but I can’t help it. I think it’s cuz I’m a perfectionist and there are just SO many opportunities for awkward moments to pop up. Like what if you get to the bar and there’s no seats but you’re the first one there? Or if he thinks its drinks and I think it’s dinner and order an entree while he just stares? Or he asks the waitress to leave with us and have a threesome? (that one actually happened). Or he’s wearing ugly shoes and I just can’t mentally stay in a conversation with someone while all I can think about is their ugly shoes?

Bringing an entourage along on the date definitely made me feel better about it, but then there’s the whole other element of if it sucks, not only does it suck, but 4 of my best friends get to WITNESS it sucking and I can’t just pretend like it never happened. The upside was worth it though, so thank god they agreed to tag along and drink at the bar while I subjected myself to date numero uno. Plus it feels kinda sneaky to have your friends creeping on your date while he’s oblivious to it and I LOVE being sneaky.

After an extensive analysis on our Uber there, we decided that I should walk in first and my friends would follow and I’d pretend I didn’t know them. My next fear was what if I don’t even recognize him (cuz I hadn’t seen a pic yet) but I think that’s always kinda easy bc how many people are waiting alone at the bar for a blind date.  The conversation went well, we didn’t have any awkward silences, I wasn’t annoyed with him, and his shoes were okay. PHEW! He told me he had to dip at 10 because he had a conference call which was good cuz it gave us a solid out, none of that awkward how long do we stay stuff. But then afterwords, I realized that “shit that was probably not true at all, who has a conference call at 10pm on a Friday”. A little part of me was worried that he wasn’t into it and wanted an excuse, but can I blame him for doing the same thing I would have if I’d thought of it?

OK now on to the mid-date update. This part is actually genius. Halfway through the date, I went to the bathroom and passed my friends and loudly said “excuse me” so Vig would hear and could come meet me in the stall to give her the run down. She met me in the handicap stall and brought a shot to give me a boost in case I needed a little bit of a relief. What a good friend.

After having one drink, date #1 had his “call” so, like a gentleman, he walked me down to Rush Street, a bar up the road where the entourage was waiting. (I obviously told him that they just happened to be there, but looking back that is not very realistic bc I had just told him that I never come out in this area). The minute I gave any detail, Vig of course stalked him, and informed me that the school he played football at is actually good(University of Miami). This obviously turned me on a million times more. After that we went to a strip club to celebrate and we all lived happily ever after.

GUYS, I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST DATE.

AND we may or may not have hung out the next day. To be continued……