Date #3: Tall, Dark, & Divorced

Date 3: Laurel Hardware

[Totally forgot to blog about #3 and it’s just too good not to]

Date #3 picked me up from my office on a Thursday and took me to get drinks at Laurel Hardware, my choice. Little did he know, I only chose this spot because I knew Vig would be at the bar, but we’ll get to that part of the story later. Anyways, you know I said I hate the awkward moments in dates? Well this was one of them.

I was downstairs at a bar in the lobby getting post-work drinks with a  co-worker when he arrived. When I asked how I’d know which car was his, his response was “it’s a big blue one, you’ll know”. I thought this was kind of weird until I walked outside and saw the biggest bluest car I had ever see in my life. This car was at least 3 feet off the ground with no ledge to help me up. He was a gentleman and gave me a hand but I still had to do this awkward little hop skip jump thing to get myself in, and obviously I was in a short dress and heels with no underwear. It didn’t stop once I made it into the car. There were no windows, it was completely exposed and it was a cool 70 which is downright chilly in LA. I was openly freezing, I couldn’t even pretend that my jaw wasn’t chattering as we drove to the restaurant. He came prepared and whipped out a blanket for me. Cars are not made to require blankets, like come on.. UGH.

We got to LH and searched for a seat at the bar, but it was full so we stood around in the crowd and grabbed drinks until a spot opened up. He was tall, dark hair, tatted sleeve, overall 7/10. He only seemed slightly older than me but after a couple minutes of conversation I discovered that he was 10 years older than me, older than I expected. He was former military and had served in the special ops unit in Iraq, breaking into hideouts of the bad guys. My first thought was Huck from Scandal and I had a million questions for him. Idk if I’ve mentioned it yet, but I LOVE myself a good conspiracy theory so hearing dirty secrets of our government is my fav. I quizzed him on everything, like “have you ever killed someone?” (and obvious yes, probably hundreds of people by the naïve look he gave me when I asked that), “have you ever tortured anyone? Our government totally tortures people right?” (see answer 1) and a bunch of other dumb questions.

I also learned a little about his personal life, he worked at an auto shop rebuilding old cars and had moved to LA from SF a couple years ago for a girl. By this point, we had found seats at the bar and he ordered us a pizza. I was also kind of bored of the date and would have rather gotten an Uber and stopped at McDonald’s. but whatever, we were having a fine time. From across the bar I could tell that Vig and her date (oh yeah, they spied from bar again), and when I checked my phone I discovered that they left because they got paranoid that #3 was staring at them from across the bar.

At first I figured they were just being dramatic, but then things got a little weird on my end too. I had brought Vig up in conversation somehow and he asked me if any of my pics on Hinge had her in them, and if he could see a picture of her. Weird right?? So I panicked and showed him a picture of another one of our friends just in case he had actually seen her at the bar. Once we discussed post-date and I mentioned he was special ops, we decided that his job was to spot people and that there was a good chance he recognized her from my profile pics. Whoops. Which brings me to the final act.

The moment that I knew there was no future for me and #3 and the moment that I realized a divorce is probably a deal breaker for me. With our mouths full of pizza, he casually dropped the line “well yeah when you’ve been married for 13 years” and preceded to tell me that he had been married for 13 years but the whore cheated on him while he was on duty and they broke up 8 months ago. Ummmm HELLO that is not first date shit… amiright??

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27 thoughts on “Date #3: Tall, Dark, & Divorced

  1. 😂😂😂😂 I think you may have met my ex! He is every awkward thing you described here and some! I think the great thing about dates like this though, is that we have a chance to get to know the things we don’t like in a person. At least you got some drinks and dinner out of it, right?! 😉 Lol

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  2. I am so glad I came across your blog!! This is good stuff. What a fun idea to do with your friend. That is DEFINITELY not a line you drop on your first date hahaha

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  3. This read was fun and funny too! The way you almost got busted really got me because my partner is in the army and one could never do anything and expect him not to find out, I usually tell him almost everything anyway coz he’s my best friend. Better luck next date! 🙂

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  4. I admire your honesty. This post made me think about my dating bloopers when I was younger! Haha. I had a date before whose mom kept on calling his phone asking where we were, what we were doing, etc. etc. And to think we were both 24 years old then. Bye bye Momma’s boy. That was way too much for me.

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  5. Haha, I’m not sure if I should be so amused at the comment of his car or the car itself. Nothing better then to hear about the dating world. Divorce, 13 years and cheating definitely not 1st date conversation.

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  6. I don’t think I’d have an issue with the divorce thing but I think if you were bored by the time you’d ordered food then yeah, I wouldn’t be going back. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the drinks and go home to my Netflix and my duvet!

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  7. Yeah, probably not the best of first made material. I don’t think the problem is specifically with divorced people. It’s more about whatever things you carry into the conversation. If you have too much baggage you bring to the date, you are going to screw it up.

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