New Hinge account, who dis?

DATE #1: 

So for those of you who don’t know, I love black dudes. I think this originated from my love for Drake. And the mixed babies we could make together. And the big bulging muscles. Plus all the Kardashians are doing it and I’d jump off a cliff if they told me to. So, like any good best friend, Vig set up my first date with a hot black guy who played football in college (thanks again, girl).  Clearly we’re doing this whole experiment for a reason, and part of it is that I absolutely fucking hate first dates. They give me anxiety, I think of about every single thing that could go wrong.

Realistically I know the world isn’t going to end because of one bad date, but I can’t help it. I think it’s cuz I’m a perfectionist and there are just SO many opportunities for awkward moments to pop up. Like what if you get to the bar and there’s no seats but you’re the first one there? Or if he thinks its drinks and I think it’s dinner and order an entree while he just stares? Or he asks the waitress to leave with us and have a threesome? (that one actually happened). Or he’s wearing ugly shoes and I just can’t mentally stay in a conversation with someone while all I can think about is their ugly shoes?

Bringing an entourage along on the date definitely made me feel better about it, but then there’s the whole other element of if it sucks, not only does it suck, but 4 of my best friends get to WITNESS it sucking and I can’t just pretend like it never happened. The upside was worth it though, so thank god they agreed to tag along and drink at the bar while I subjected myself to date numero uno. Plus it feels kinda sneaky to have your friends creeping on your date while he’s oblivious to it and I LOVE being sneaky.

After an extensive analysis on our Uber there, we decided that I should walk in first and my friends would follow and I’d pretend I didn’t know them. My next fear was what if I don’t even recognize him (cuz I hadn’t seen a pic yet) but I think that’s always kinda easy bc how many people are waiting alone at the bar for a blind date.  The conversation went well, we didn’t have any awkward silences, I wasn’t annoyed with him, and his shoes were okay. PHEW! He told me he had to dip at 10 because he had a conference call which was good cuz it gave us a solid out, none of that awkward how long do we stay stuff. But then afterwords, I realized that “shit that was probably not true at all, who has a conference call at 10pm on a Friday”. A little part of me was worried that he wasn’t into it and wanted an excuse, but can I blame him for doing the same thing I would have if I’d thought of it?

OK now on to the mid-date update. This part is actually genius. Halfway through the date, I went to the bathroom and passed my friends and loudly said “excuse me” so Vig would hear and could come meet me in the stall to give her the run down. She met me in the handicap stall and brought a shot to give me a boost in case I needed a little bit of a relief. What a good friend.

After having one drink, date #1 had his “call” so, like a gentleman, he walked me down to Rush Street, a bar up the road where the entourage was waiting. (I obviously told him that they just happened to be there, but looking back that is not very realistic bc I had just told him that I never come out in this area). The minute I gave any detail, Vig of course stalked him, and informed me that the school he played football at is actually good(University of Miami). This obviously turned me on a million times more. After that we went to a strip club to celebrate and we all lived happily ever after.


AND we may or may not have hung out the next day. To be continued……

2 thoughts on “New Hinge account, who dis?

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